Things guys do on dating sites that make it easy to ignore them

Online dating: love it, hate it, or perhaps somewhere in between? With the internet facilitating outreach to such a vast pool of people, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed… or not. Here are some things that make it ridiculously easy to weed out people from a perpetually-growing list of prospects. (Note: while my reference point is guys, I’m obviously well aware that women can do the same–and maybe even worse–things too! 😉 ).

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The breakdown:

1. Let’s start with the obvious: Guys who don’t put up a profile picture. Does this even need to be said? I mean, you can already get suspicious with one, or even several, pictures. But none? Seriously? I mean, how many men would actually contact “women’s” profiles who didn’t have a picture up? There needs to be a study done on this.

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2. Guys who only post pictures of themselves never looking straight at the camera, face concealed, wearing sunglasses, etc. Newsflash: women want to know what the person they’re talking to looks like. And as much as we want to think that women are not as physically-driven as men are, they can be. It’s not a negative or a positive; it’s just a basic truth. Some people will be more particular than others; it’s an individual thing. But regardless of preference, HELLO: I NEED TO SEE YOUR FACE! Why does the obvious need to be stated? UGH!

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3. Guys with 95% pictures with groups of female friends. No, sorry, it’s not a jealousy thing. I know you have friends (or at least I really hope you do, and if you don’t, warning sign!!) and definitely don’t mind seeing them. But those guys who try so hard to make themselves look cool with all these women around them will just have me wondering what are they trying to prove?

4. Wimpy guys. Guys who check out your page–REPEATEDLY–but don’t say “hi”. WTF? If the guy can’t say “hi” online, where there’s a screen and it’s more anonymous than it would be in person, then how much worse might it be in person? Or perhaps it’s his lame attempt at trying to get me to say “hi” first? I may be old fashioned (and for some things I am), but it’s generally been my experience that it’s just not the same if the man doesn’t make the first move. Therefore, I expect the man to BE ONE and contact a girl, otherwise, *NEXT*!

5. Guys whose conversational skills don’t vibe with yours. Some PpL tYpE LyK DiS, others’s vocab consists of 90% slang talk, some are more simple and to the point, some are Shakespearean poet wannabes; you get the deal. Take your pick ladies.

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6. Guys who ask things already stated in your profile–especially when they’ve been made obvious. Now, there’s some flexibility with that one (if not for all of them, but yanno whatta mean). I realize not everyone writes a 2-sentence dating profile. Some people are more thorough (*smile*) and others keep it short. With that said, it can often be pretty obvious who actually took the time to read it through based on the kind of things they ask and/or say. Yes, we know that (many? most?) guys check out the pictures only. But if you can’t even show that you at least paid some attention and did more than check out some pics, I’m not interested. Laziness is never attractive, duh! 🙂

7. Overly-sensitive, too attached, stalker-ish guys. I have one more confession to make: if a woman is interested, she’d reply to your message. Just shocking, isn’t it?! If she doesn’t, there’s a reason (and I assume the same is true for guys). Don’t try to make sense of it, and even if there is a good one (or several), the point is it doesn’t really matter. If she isn’t responding, especially after a few tries, chances are she won’t. But there’s also a twist to this. Sometimes a girl will respond because she feels like it, plain and simple. It doesn’t mean you should start planning your future together. Cue in the, uh, interesting phenomenon that can sometimes happen: some guys may get all overly-excited and attached, simply because you replied to them, assuming that you’re ‘so into them’ and other exaggerated stuff like that. How can we know we’re into you when we don’t know you? We may chat a few times with that intent of finding out, but it doesn’t mean it’s anything! Just calm down, chat like a normal human being, relax and see what happens. If it doesn’t go anywhere, I promise you’ll live. Sheesh.

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Another wack example entails the dudes who blast your inbox with messages–to which you don’t answer for whatever (probably good) reason(s). At some point one of said messages may include the rather desperate “why won’t you talk to me?” plea. Sometimes you’ll take heart and finally decide to respond, if only to say a friendly hello and kindly explain there is no attraction (which you thought was made obvious enough by ignoring his messages in the first place!!). But then it happens: the angry guy comes out, hurling insults and rude statements at your confession that no, it’s not meant to be after all. Yup; you who totally could’ve just kept right on ignoring him, but actually took the time to respond to the heart-attack prone individual. UM HELLO, you only confirmed my gut feeling that you’re not right for me–and that I should’ve kept right on ignoring you! (LOL!) Extra points to online dating for teaching you to trust your intuition!! 😉

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8. Bossy guys; guys who ‘tell you’ to meet up with them. UM, NO. Granted, depending on where you’re from that may be part of your conversational style. But still; don’t tell a girl you don’t know what to do. Plus it makes it sound like you expect her to clear up her schedule “because you’re gonna be in town that weekend.” Good for you, bye!

9. Guys who write you creepy lines. Sure it makes for good laughs. But no, I probably don’t wanna meet you if you say you’d “like to slurp me up with a bottle of Chianti and a bowl of fava beans!” Uh?! (thank you Silence of the Lambs for scarring us for life).

10. Guys who only talk about themselves. Once again, if this is done online, how much worse will it be in person? Some guys are also blatant enough–or dumb enough, or both?–to tell you they hope you can help them out with something (ie: work /business related, etc.) IT’S A DATING SITE, not a fucking pitching session, or work coaching/support site! Take that elsewhere.

11. Guys who tell you you look like / remind them of their ex. I get that people may have a certain type they’re attracted to, which might show up in their dating partners. But saying that isn’t flattering, and if anything, may serve as a kind of red flag that it’s not entirely a closed chapter.

12. Guys who only wanna hook-up. This seems like the default for online dating, if not for online profiles in general (Facebook, IG, Goodreads, etc.). People will always come at you trying to flirt. In some cultures, some might even be biased enough to think that just because you’re online, it means by default that that’s the only thing you’re looking for (because people never look for sex outside of the internet, ever! LOL!). But once again, I got news for people: not everyone who’s online is there to get laid. Obviously, online dating is another way to meet people, and can therefore offer opportunities to engage in those activities if you’re so inclined. This would tie into #5 and stating in your profile what you’re down for. But for those who aren’t interested, those lame (and sometimes rather hilarious) messages are really just fodder for inside jokes.

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With that said, deciding how to proceed should always depend on the full context of the situation. It may be true that you can’t fully know someone without having seen them in person. But likewise, it’s not like seeing them in person automatically answers all your questions and impressions either. Grrrrrr, the conundrum of online dating, and people, and life and things! LOL! The point is that, whether in person or online, energies are still given off by people, which I believe to be a good indicator of potential outcomes. It’s complex, it’s not always ‘obvious’ or even seems to make sense, but I believe it’s that way for a reason. So once again, it all boils down to your gut feeling. Wanna go out with someone? Check it out. Don’t want to? Don’t do it. It doesn’t need to be complicated, and can and should be as easy and simple as that. I think we know all too well when we want or don’t want something, but then we have a way of second-guessing ourselves for whatever reason(s). All in all, online dating sites can be a great outlet for exploring potential connections, while reminding you on a constant basis what does and doesn’t work for you–assuming you’re paying attention (and why wouldn’t you want to?!). So if for nothing else, I’m thankful for the simultaneously crazy, simple, exciting, routine world of online-initiated encounters.

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10 thoughts on “Things guys do on dating sites that make it easy to ignore them

  1. Pingback: Universe: 2; Me: 0 | Ain't No Party

  2. I am not any of those,… and yet still completely ignored by near as dammit everyone.

    I have good pictures, I open with a light friendly message which I try to make personal, I write well, I will use their profile as a reference on what I will ask about, I keep things fairly easy-going (not stalkerish or demanding), I’m not creepy, I don’t talk about myself unless asked or if I really think a little anecdote would interest her/make her laugh, and I am looking for a real relationship of mutual lasting happiness (not a hook-up). I don’t get the chance to show most of that as pretty much everyone ignores my first message, often deletes it without reading.
    I have had one date this year, and had one other online conversation.
    By all accounts, (friends and other people I know) I am a good looking and really decent guy.
    I have message countless women in the past year, and if I include Tinder ‘swipes’ I have opened myself to literally tens of thousands of women.

    Why am I ignored?

    • Hi,
      There’s no way to know for sure, and many are the reasons why people choose not to respond. Perhaps it’s fair to assume that at least half the time it’s not you, if ever. One reason could be the sheer amount of people and distractions online, that could potentially lead to a range of reasons why people aren’t responding. (Women may be generally more often pursued than vice versa, although some may say that’s also changing and/or not the case?) One thing I’m curious about is how do you even know they’ve deleted your message without having read it?! (Sounds like some pretty deep tech, although it seems it’s having the side-effect of fueling your frustration.) By your comment you sound like you’re upset, and while that can be understandable, if you come across that way to women online you’re trying to date, and basically don’t even know, that could backfire. And while the internet is now a commonly used tool to meet people, nothing says you have to stick to it should you prefer to meet people in person. That’s always an option.
      All the best!

  3. first of all, I’m a men. #2 I also wants to know who is this person that I’m trying to date… #3 fuck all these snapchat pictures that womens putting on their dating website profiles… all fakes, psh unreal ! 😂

    • All these dating website are just like a « all you can eat » for women… I know a girl 5 feets 1 inch, like 2000 pounds… titties at his belly… she can even dating more men in a month that I can do In a decade… and I’m looking good… fuck all these bullshits! Scam!

  4. And je suis pratiquement certain que tu parles français alors je vais le dire en français… tous ces sites de rencontres sont des grosses arnaques ou les femmes n’ont qu’à creer un profile et attendre… Vous avez toutes des fausses photos qui ne représente pas la réalité.

    Vous cherchez des gens sincères mais vous n’êtes même pas foutu de montrer une image réaliste de vous même, on cherche encore à savoir ce qu’il se cache à l’intérieur, va savoir si on va avoir la vérité étant donné qu’on est pas foutue de savoir l’heure juste pour l’extérieur.. et vous oser dire que nos photos sont ci et ça… nos photos sont pour la plupart réelle au moins 😂…

    Les hommes sont devenu jetable, pcq ajd les femmes n’ont qu’a se créer un profile bidon sur un site de rencontre et instantanément elle reçoit des tonnes de messages et match, ce qui est loins d’etre le cas pour la plus part d’entre nous…

    Ça fait 10 ans que je parcourt internet sur ces sites de superficielle. Je suis encore célibataire. Les seules qui ose m’ecrire sont souvent le type de femme que je ne parlerais pas dans la vraie vie pcq définitivement moche.

    Toutes les femmes sont sur ces sites de rencontres pour rencontrer des hommes qui sont biens au dessus de leurs moyens, sachant que vous avez des matchs à volonter, vous n’avez même pas à mettre de photos de profiles….. même rien ecrire dans le profiles

    Pourquoi les femmes feraient les premiers pas? Inutile, juste à attendre que tous ces hommes vous approche, trop compliqué pour la femme de choisir un homme dans cette MARRÉ, TSUNAMI d’homme seul.

    Tous ces sites de rencontre font de l’argent parce que les femmes sont socialement paresseuses et les hommes trop cons pour attendre qu’elles nous écrivent.

    Je vais peut être trouver une femme un jour, MAIS CERTAINEMENT PAS DANS CE scam de masse.

    Fuck mon époque de pute superficielle 😂

      • You seem to feel strongly about the subject since you felt the need to write multiple, borderline rude comments which, although I mostly agree with, don’t apply to me. Evidemment I also understand the French one but I’ll respond in English.

        This post is already 5 years old and reflects my experience from using different dating sites, which I’ve long since left. While I agree with you on many points, and can understand aspects of your frustration, your rudeness is uncalled for. It’s my post you commented on and I’m obviously only responsible for my own actions, not what other people do.

        It’s been years since I’ve used a dating site, nor have I ever used Snapchat (and am not about to), but no matter where I am, I’ve always been direct about myself, starting with my Christian faith. That is the base for my concern about truth, which obviously includes how I ‘portray’ myself. So your ranting bit about ‘*you all* have fake photos that don’t represent reality’ (and by extension, are *all* liars’) is a rather lazy assumption, although again it may often be true for many others (which I gladly reiterate is not my problem). Whether they’re aware of it or not, spiritual views are the foundation for the way people lead their lives, the lack thereof explaining at least some of the selfish, shallowness that’s often part of the dating scene. Maybe you need to clarify that to yourself so that you’re more aware of what, and where, to seek what you’re looking for. It’s not surprising that more sane, mature behavior is bound to be linked to a solid relationship with our Creator.

        The point for me to be on a dating site, or social media, comes with the obvious fact that 1. real people can see me IRL (‘in real life’–shocker!) and 2. if I was to meet someone of interest online then I’d obviously want to meet them in person ASAP. So lying would clearly be counter productive and a waste of everyone’s time.

        The good news is that at least some women are absolutely how they look in photos, maybe even better in person (which in different ways is how it should be). And in that case, perhaps here is where the tables can turn and some men might be shy or intimidated just by that, and falling down the rabbit hole of assumptions rather than confirmation. There might be a default tendency to assume ‘it’s all fake’ if one has had (mostly?) bad experiences. Insecurity can be part of that too, and we all have our own levels of that regardless.

        A lot of what you (at least partially rightly) criticize may be linked to things like feminism and just pure men’s natures or curiosity. Feminism—whatever it might mean to individuals now—and its impact have been detrimental to the way many women treat men, but that’s again certainly not true for all, and not everyone would describe themselves as such (based on their definition of it). Concurrent with feminism is this undercurrent of destroying the family, and there’s plenty of further reading and research for you to do on that if you’re so inclined.

        As for men, it’s not women’s fault if men go to their profiles even if they don’t have a photo! The profile is simply listed as female, but in these days we should know that it *could* mean different things (a woman, transgender, fake account, etc.).

        What’s interesting is why you should keep torturing yourself.
        You say you’ve been searching for 10 years on such sites, but if you’re unsatisfied (as I was in different ways, but not as a criticism to men), then why persist there? You should probably try sticking to meeting people in person then, rather than online. Although I hardly need remind you that people also lie in person, so that’s the part that we all must contend with—but Jesus makes all things possible +

        Bonne chance!

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